A Reflection on Despair
New Year’s Day, 2022
It is easy these days for me to lose track of what is good about being human. When I forget, which is more often than I like to acknowledge, I can slip into despair which lives inside me at the extreme end of my avoidant tendencies. And despair unacknowledged and untended can leak or explode in destructive ways. I have learned this, or more accurately, I am learning this — sometimes with sad and regretful consequences. I wish I could say I’d done enough emotional and spiritual work to have rooted out this deep, tangled tendency forever — but I’m also learning to have humility, and I try not to let my ego-influenced mind get ahead of where I am. A wise heart is an integrated heart — insightful, compassionate, and steady — I’m not there yet.
Undeniably, however, and this is nothing new to most of you, there’s a lot in the world we want to avoid these days, there’s a lot to fuel despair: the devastating effects of climate change, caused by human arrogance (a delusion of supremacy); the rampant, amoral activity of a virus that affects how we live and provokes the question of morality in decision-making (to get vaccinated or not, and why); the sharp, pervasive political divisiveness and accompanying expressions of hatred and violence; greed and power run amok resulting in more luxurious living for a few and intractable poverty for the many; the rise of a tribalism that separates us from each other and contributes to the oppressing, harming and even killing of the vulnerable among us.
Because avoidance can sometimes lead to devastating consequences, it isn’t wise to pretend that difficult realities don’t exist. On the other hand, it can be exhausting and harmful to immerse oneself in the difficult without rest and wise reflection. I am learning that I need to pause, step out of the difficult for a time so as to remember, to see and to feel what is beautiful and wholesome in this world, including what is good about being human. Without doing so, I only become a liability — not just to my own well-being, but also to my personal relationships and to the greater whole of the living, human and non-human.
As I reflect in these days at the end of 2021, I see a pattern: I am scared, and I am angry. I think I know what is right, I make assumptions, and I judge. I get overwhelmed and sink into avoidant tendencies. In other words, I contribute to what isn’t OK in this world.
But here is what I also see: I am grateful for the people I love, near and far, and who love me (prickles and all). I am grateful for the beauty of the land, water and sky that surround me as I look out the windows of the little cottage that is my refuge. I am grateful for poetry that touches something inside, helping me see and feel more clearly and fully. And I am grateful I am able to be grateful.
I am asking myself, then, what can I do to sustainably and wisely be in this world without becoming overwhelmed and avoidant? How can I be discerning without an attitude? How can I be brave enough and strong enough to speak out and act when I’m angry due to injustice and abuse of power? How can I do so with a calm and steady presence? And perhaps most importantly, how can I keep my heart open to those with whom I disagree?
So, for the New Year, I am revisiting the Brahma Vihāras –the Four Immeasurables or the Four Divine Abidings: Mettā, Loving kindness; Karuna, compassion; Muditā, appreciative joy; and Upekkhā, equanimity (prompted by a remembrance of Desmond Tutu written by Rehena Harilall in Lion’s Roar, a Buddhist journal).
Many of you already know about the Buddhist teachings on the brahmavihāras as important meditation practices for cultivating “qualities of heart” that assist in ending dukkha (suffering, unhappiness, stress, unsatisfactoriness). Whether practicing while meditating on a cushion, or in brief moments during the day, or perhaps as a before-bed prayer/meditation, I have found the brahmavihāras a soothing antidote to the corrupting craziness we humans create and the news stories that bombard us daily — as frequently as we choose to click onto our favorite news app(s) or turn on 24-hour-a- day TV, radio, or internet news programs.
My intention for 2022 is to practice the brahmavihāras more diligently to help me remember what is good about being human. If more of us practice, maybe the rippling effects will make more palpable what is good about ourselves, and maybe we will rally from inside our humanness the “qualities of heart” that help us care for each other, for the other creatures of the earth, and for the earth that sustains us all.
The brahmavihāras heal what is wounded and prevent what wounds.
